Things to do before you look at matrimonial proposal's abroad! (Arranged Marriages :))

Marriage is a bond for lifetime, a commitment that should stay for the entire life, a hope of finding the best life-partner who is always besides you to guide, support, protect and encourage you to achieve the dreams together. Who would never leave your side, no matter what and stand by you.

At times it gets very difficult to decide whom to trust, but here are few things I feel one should really look at, to have a successful married life.

I thought of compiling these points / queries or checks based on my good, bad and worst experiences of knowing and judging people.

One thing that I would like to mention here is please be very careful when you decide to look at proposals abroad, no offence for the people residing in different countries, but  believe me it is difficult to judge, trust and know if the person is really right for you from a far-off distance and staying at another part of the globe.

So here are the questions to ask and have a chat and conversations about, prior to the day you say "I do":)

• Start by checking if the interests and your hobbies match with your would be better half. Discuss and talk on the things that really interest you both and if you would enjoy their company for a really long time. I feel apart from these interests how well you connect with them is most important - the looks, money and any materialistic thing is not going to stay in the long run, but that special someone who enjoys the sip of coffee and a cozy conversation with you is going to be the best person for you.

• Second would be there intelligence and IQ, does it match and do you have any similarities. Nowadays people are highly educated, so check for your educational compatibility. A biggest check to judge the person here would be to understand if you are really proud with their accomplishments and is your 'would be' also proud of you and your education, does he/she have a sense of respect for your efforts and achievements. If you observe that your would-be family members never inform your current and right education to their known people it would clearly state they do not acknowledge your capabilities.

• Start by asking queries about your career and if your family members are really taking interest in the same, encouraging you to apply jobs even before you land or generally asking about only the things like -"How well you cook? or can you cook etc.?

• Next is your family background, lifestyles and patterns. This is very difficult to judge, but I would say spend as many days dating with each other, even if it is an arranged marriage. Date for at least 6 months officially. Visit each other's places/ home and get a feel of if you would really be comfortable with this new would-be family, and do they have similar thinking patterns. One thing I would really mention here is try to judge and understand if the families are like-minded just like yours, are they frank and open or traditional with there thoughts and approach. 

• Even if they are staying abroad, if its possible, make a trip to the place where they live, get as many pictures and photographs of the environment and surrounding, and the real context, things they have at their place and which they don't, from them if you cannot visit their place. Also share yours :)

• Understand their nature, - are they the ones who love to talk and are social or are quiet, are they introverts or extroverts and other trait's of their personality, if they get agitated and irritated easily or are calm and problem solvers and risk takers or someone who would run away from confronting the problems and finances. Try to observe the key things like are they dependent on their family members for any kind of assistance - I don't say it is bad but with your age, education etc. the dependency should be lesser.

• Be careful to evaluate how they respond to worst situations by conversing on hypothetical, adverse situations and get insights if they are angry or short tempered.

• Ask about their financial status and discuss very openly their spending and saving patterns. Take a step ahead, and discuss figures and facts about their current, bank-balance and share your's as well, their views of maintaining bank balance and what views, learning do they have about saving patterns. Before marriage talk and discuss about who would bare expenses on what and how the finances would be divided. Will you or they support any family members financially (thats always ok) but to speak up about these things is very important. Generally we tend to trust people by word, but I would say give time and encourage them to speak the truth and discuss about finances very openly. Financial issues once married can ruin your relationship so please watch for this.

• In case if your would-be is still completing his/her education, I would say NEVER RISK QUITTING YOUR JOB and being dependent on them. That would be the most biggest mistake you would ever do and can fall in a serious financial trouble.

• While looking at proposals abroad, study about the legal norms and laws of that country very thoroughly and please keep in mind, even if you face any personal problems later (once married) you can always reach out to the nearest Indian embassy or your countries embassy for any assistance. They always help in solving the problems and would be there to guide you.

• There is govt. funded assistance (not existing in all countries though) via ICWF (Indian community welfare fund), ASHA for women and The Poornima foundation to name few. I am sure there would be many more, don't hesitate to reach out in crisis.

• Don't forget to enquire, - how does your would-be socialise, do they have lot of friends or just few of them, this question is important as based on this you have to prepare yourself that would you be lonely once married, isolated without any company or would be having a huge friend circle via your spouse (because I am sure you are distant away from your friends, and wont get to socialise with them, until you make new one)

• Before you try to finalise a proposal abroad, look out for doing a thorough study of the place where you would be staying, environment, community and what all activities you can do once you get their like studying, working, enjoying the free time exploring some hobbies or any other interests you might have. Explore google maps maybe, post any queries on Yahoo answers but never take any hasty decision. Think it through, before you arrive at a conclusion of getting married to a stranger abroad.

These are few things I could explain and share. If you have any other criteria to add, please share your thoughts here.

Thanks